Memories
by Sevvie.Rose
Summary: Voldemort's gone, time for celebration? Indeed it is, except for Remus Lupin, who's life is completely over or so it seems. AU. Written by Sevvie! I do not own HP - borrowing the characters.


"Remus…" Minerva began.

"No. I-I'm fine, thank you. I-I think I'd like to be alone." Remus stammered in a whisper.

"Of course… if you need anything, anything at all. Albus, myself, the whole Order is just a floo call away." She told him before slipping out the front door the small flat.

That was it then. Finally, the world was rid of Voldemort , for now at least. But at what cost? The only people he had in this life were dead. James and Lily died protecting their son, who was alive – thank, Merlin, but living with his aunt and uncle on Lily's side. Peter was dead, died like a true Gryffindor standing up to his enemies. Who knew that enemy would be the person Remus loved more than air itself?

Sirius Black. Traitor. The Dark Lord's number one. Remus felt numb, how could he have been so wrong? How was it he, James, and Lily could've been so wrong? They all knew in the Order there was a traitor, but Sirius? Everyone assumed he was the most trustworthy and loyal of everyone just shy of Albus. His stomach began to knot up and he felt as though he was going to be sick, but the vile wouldn't come up. Part of him didn't want to believe it, that they were all wrong. That everything was a misunderstanding.

But he knew better. Tears began to sting at his eyes as he dragged himself through the flat. Their flat. He stopped in the kitchen doorway and leaned against the door frame, glancing from side to side.

[Flashback]

"Sirius, this is a three bedroom flat…" Remus said as he placed the agreement on the counter of the kitchen.

"It's perfect!" Sirius beamed as he reentered the kitchen. "You should see the master bedroom," He purred as he crossed the room and pulled Remus into his arms.

"Perfect? We'll never be able to afford it, Sirius."

"We'll get by. Uncle Alphard's money is still good—"

"For now, Sirius." Remus said as he pulled out of Sirius' arms. "You have how much left? Enough for three months of no worries? Four if you let me handle the account—"

"Love, stop worrying."

"Sirius! You need to stop living in the moment, we'll be evicted before we can even say—"

"Remus."

"No. We don't need three bedrooms, why in merlin's name would we need three bedrooms? One bedroom we can afford and be perfectly fine—"

"One bedroom isn't enough."

"How is it not big—" Remus began though he paused when Sirius pulled out a pair of bonding bracelets. "Sirius…"

"I was thinking we could get bonded, and then have us a few children."

"Sirius…"

"Just hear me out," Sirius chuckled, pulling Remus through the flat and down the hall into one of the bedrooms. "Now imagine it. A little crib and toys just everywhere. We'll both be ready to pull our hair out because we never get a moment's of peace. But it'll be all worth it when we lay the kid down for a nap and he or she blinks at us with my eyes and his or her face is covered in a mop of untamed brown hair." He explained before turning on his heel and staring at Remus who had his eyes on the spot where Sirius pointed the crib would be. "Wouldn't it be perfect?" He whispered.

"Sirius, how are we supposed to raise kids? I can't get a job—"

"You can take care of them, I'll work."

"We barely have money now—" Remus began but paused when he saw the wide grin on Sirius' face. "What? What have you done? Oh merlin, you killed a rich person and robbed them, didn't you?" He asked and only half joking.

"James and I got a promotion."

"You're joking."

"Nope. We're directly under the head." He said proudly, holding his arms out and catching Remus who threw himself into his arms.

"Sirius, that's brilliant!"

"Pay is about double. We can afford this flat, or any other flat in London you want. We could even get a cottage by a forest or water, whatever you want, Remus." Sirius whispered into his ear, wincing slightly. "Love, you're crushing me."

"I-I'm just… happy." Remus sniffled and let out a chuckle.

"As am I." Sirius whispered, pressing a kiss to his head.

[Flashback end]

Remus tore his eyes away from the bedroom which was as said in the flashback decorated for a baby with neutral colors for boys and girls when they were ready. He stepped out of the room and walked down the hall, pausing at their bedroom door and staring down at the knob. He didn't need to it seemed as he blanked out again.

[Flashback]

"You are so immature!" Remus shouted as he pushed the front door open and headed down the hall into their bedroom, shortly followed by Sirius who was shaking his head in disbelief.

"I wasn't doing anything, Remus."

"You were flirting."

"I wasn't flirting. I was… having casual conversation."

"Is that what they call it these days? Shall I go have casual conversation with the nice neighbor? What's her name? Oh, Annabelle. She seems lovely to have casual conversation with."

"Nah, I think the lady downstairs is your type."

"What lady downstairs?" Remus frowned.

"The one with all the cats, Ms. Fent."

"… Sirius, that woman has to be ninety years old…"

"Hell of a shag though,"

"Don't…" Remus grimaced, covering his ears.

"I bet she's… /flexible/."

"Stop it, Sirius!" Remus shouted before bellowing in laughter.

"I'm merely speaking the truth," Sirius said, waving his hands dismissively before wrapping his arms around Remus' waist and resting his forehead on the back of Remus' head. "I wasn't flirting with her."

"I know."

"Then why do you—"

"Sorry."

"I love you, Remus."

"I love you, too, Sirius. I really do." He whispered, grasping his boyfriend's hands and giving them a squeeze.

[Flashback end]

He fell atop the bed and climbed into it. Even it felt cold. Was the air on or something? Maybe it was just him. It had to be just him. He inhaled and closed his eyes tightly, tears threatening to fall again. The bed smelled just like him. He nuzzled his face into the pillow.

[Flashback]

"He said it."

"He didn't."

"He so did!"

"Sirius, Harry is barely six months old. He did not say Padfoot."

"He did! I swear!"

"Sirius. I heard him. He was trying to say food."

"Padfoot."

"How do you get Padfoot out of food?"

"… Padfoot."

Remus snorted and removed his coat, tossing it into the chair next to the bed. He climbed into the bed and began to take his shirt off, quirking his eyebrow at Sirius who was watching him with a shine in his eye. "What are you thinking?"

"How delectable you look."

Remus resisted the urge to roll his eyes. "Oh?"

"And how we should get a start on having kids," He said as he dropped his pants and climbed into the bed.

"Oh? And this plan starts by us shagging; Am I correct?"

"Yes."

"Even though we're both male, and can't have babies."

"Yes."

"How does that make any sense?" He asked as his neck was assaulted.

"We shag, which ultimately gets us tired and makes us sleep, and then tomorrow our strength will be restored and we can go to the Ministry to file for adoption."

"That makes absolutely no sense."

"It makes perfect sense; you have to think like me."

"If one thought like Sirius Black, their brain would explode."

"I'm about to explode in you."

"Ew…"

"Oi!" Sirius chuckled, pinning Remus to the bed and pressing their lips together.

Sirius kissed Remus deeply, undoing his pants while Remus' hands worked on pulling his shirt over his head. They parted for a moment but their lips reattached the moment the shirt was off and flung to the side. Remus growled deep in his throat, running his hands through Sirius' hair and tugging gently to pull him closer. Their bodies grinded causing both of them to moan at the friction before Sirius rolled off and pulled his boxers off, watching as Remus did the exact same thing before jumping atop him and attacking his neck, running his tongue up Sirius' throat to taste him then nipping his bottom lip not so gently.

Remus licked the small cut on Sirius' lip as an apology before pulling up and straddling Sirius, bringing his right hand up to his face and licking the palm to get a generous amount of spit on it. He reached back and gently gripped Sirius' prick, rubbing him to full hardness which made Sirius groan. Sirius watched as Remus got himself situated atop him, his brown eyes now a flashing rust color. Sirius licked the wound on his lip; raising his hands to place on Remus' hips after Remus' free hand came to rest on Sirius' stomach to keep himself balanced.

He felt the tip of his prick push into the ring of muscle, immediately feeling the tightness and dropping his hands to grip the sheets. Sirius sucked his bottom lip between his teeth and bit, ignoring the fact that he was drawing blood. He watched as Remus slowly took him in, he knuckles turning white at how tight he was gripping the sheets.

Remus brought both his hands to rest on Sirius' chest, slowly moving himself to ride Sirius. Sirius relaxed a bit, bringing his hands up to rest behind his head, watching as his boyfriend moved, and a grin played out on his face. Remus let out a moan, leaning forward a bit and moving his hips faster. "S-sirius," he whispered huskily, smirking down at the man below him.

"Yes?" Sirius whispered back.

Remus leaned down and nudged his own nose against Sirius'. "Take me," he growled.

Sirius' grey eyes turned stormy and before he could take control of himself, he flipped the two over so Remus was lying on his back with Sirius atop him. He wrapped Remus' legs around his waist and felt them tighten around him, Remus moving his body under him in a seductive manner. Sirius too, growled before grasping both sides of Remus' waist and leaning down to rest his forehead on Remus' shoulder, thrusting forward as hard as he could.

Remus howled as he was pounded into, gripping the sheets below him and letting out a quiet whimper as Sirius moved in and out of him, pushing against the little nub that was currently making Remus' eyes roll into the back of his head with pleasure. Remus' arms went to snake around Sirius' chest coming up to his back and digging his nails into it, creating crescent moons on his back though Sirius minded none, actually he seemed to have loved it for as soon as the pain was sent to his back, his movements began to quicken.

Sirius shifted his weight to the side with one hand, repositioning himself inside of Remus and hitting the new angle perfectly, causing Remus' body to writhe beneath him. Sirius gripped the sheet with his one hand, feeling the heating pool happening in his lower stomach. His eyes opened and he stared down at Remus once more, listening to the man quietly whimper his name in a chant. Sirius quickly released Remus' waist and brought both of his hands up to cup Remus' cheek, pressing a kiss to his lips, not stopping his movements of thrusting into his body.

"I-I love you," Sirius panted.

Remus whimpered against his lips, nudging their noses together and pulling their bodies closer. "I l-love you, too, Sirius." He managed to get out before once again howling in pleasure which idly made Sirius glad they had silencing charms installed into the room.

Sirius gritted his teeth together as he reached a hand up to grip the headboard of their bed – which was shaking thanks to their activities – rising off from leaning against Remus and grunting his appreciation as he felt his back tense up and the intense pull at his stomach. His grey eyes just almost rolled into the back of his head as he reached his climax. He felt Remus below him begin to quiver around him as he came, emptying himself inside of his fiancée.

With his free hand he reached between them and grabbed the prick that was crushed between the two during and gave a few rough pulls, three times the charm and Remus too came off, shooting between the two and tightening up to finish emptying Sirius. Sirius slowed his thrusts down before they completely stopped and his softened prick slipped out so he could comfortably fall onto Remus to rest against him, both breathing rather hard. Sirius rested on Remus' chest, listening to the quickened heartbeat, a very tired smile played out across his face.

"I love you."

"I love you, too, Sirius." Remus said as Sirius rolled off him and gathered him into his arms so sleep could overcome them.

[Flashback end]

Remus opened his eyes and blinked lazily, covering the front of his face with his palm to keep the sunlight out. He must've fallen asleep reminiscing. He turned his head to stare at the empty side of the bed normally occupied by Sirius and couldn't help but let his eyes fill with tears. It was all true then. And there was absolutely nothing Remus could do for them. He pushed off the bed and climbed to the end. He needed to disappear. Surely everyone would understand. He stood up and hurried around the room, gathering the things he needed such as a few things of clothes and a few pictures, pictures which he had a pair of scissors for to cut… him out.

Pain struck his chest at the thought of doing that, he dropped the bag of things and kicked it aside before falling against the wall and slowly sliding down it, tears staining his cheeks. He pulled his legs up to his chest and let his head fall to hit the dresser, he ignored the pain and closed his eyes, he knew he had to leave, but could he really? Leaving and letting go of everything he held dear from the past. But letting go of the past is forgiving, and he knew he'd never be able to forgive Sirius, but he'd also never be able to hate him for this, or stop loving him. He chewed on his bottom lip and kept his blurry gaze on the bag he kicked away. He had to do it.

He pushed off the ground and grabbed the bag, hurrying out of the room and to the front door, pushing the memories that kept appearing: Sirius' laughter bellowing throughout the flat, his adorable whining he did when he was in trouble, their love-making, discussing the future. He pulled the door open and stepped out, slamming it behind him and leaning his forehead against the door. He took a calming breath and disappeared in a crack of apparition, abandoning the apartment and everything including memories with it. Not to be seen nor heard of besides by Albus for twelve years.


End file.
